Why the darkest moments are the most inspiring
You lean over your glowing birthday cake and blow out candles that signify you’ve turned two years old, and somehow (probably with a little assistance from Mom), the candles go out. Everyone around you applauds and smiles. “Wow,” you think. “I don’t know what I did, but I really like that reaction. I have to remember to do that again.”
Suddenly, you’re five years old, and the kindergarten teacher calls on you to answer a question, and you get the answer right. “Very good,” she says. “Well done!” That feeling comes back. It’s so nice to be told you’ve done something well.
Dad takes the training wheels off your bike and, after a few tries you can ride a two-wheeler on your own. “Great job!” he says. “Wait till Mom sees you!” You can hardly wait.
You work all week on a paper due for your science class, and as you near the finish line, you realize you’ve learned a lot. Later, when the teacher calls on you to defend the paper, you answer all his questions accurately and professionally. “Excellent work,” he writes at the top of the paper. Your face is filled with pride as you smile confidently at your classmates.
The boy who sits two seats in front of you in history class awkwardly walks to your desk with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Staring at the floor, he asks if you’d like to go to the ninth-grade dance with him. You smile and nod. “Yes, that would be very nice,” you say. As he walks back to his seat, you’re pretty sure you’ve never been so happy in your life.
You graduate from high school with good marks and receive an academic scholarship to the college of your choice. You do well in school, graduate, transition to a solid career, and enjoy success in your chosen company.
At 25, you have some money in the bank, a nice apartment in a well-appointed neighborhood, and a bright yellow, used car in great condition. It mirrors your sunny personality.
One afternoon, having lunch at your desk, you finish off an email to your parents, telling them you plan to stop by during the weekend for a family lunch. As you hit the “send” button, your supervisor suddenly speaks loudly to you and several of your coworkers, asking all of you to convene in the conference room.
Minutes later, you and the other 15 people in the room are told the company has decided to eliminate your department. You will be paid through the end of the month, and there are boxes by the door. Please clean out your desks, and leave at the end of the day, taking everything with you. Do not expect to return to the building. This is a business decision and not a reflection of anything personal. Letters of reference will be sent to you by the end of the month.
It’s fair to say you are not prepared for anything like this tragedy. It’s not fair but there’s no one to complain to. For the first time in your life, no one is applauding. You’re not being congratulated. The next step isn’t clear despite your diligence and hard work. You check your bank account and see that you may have enough saved for three months’ rent and car payments. As panic sets in, you call your parents to feel out what’s happening with them (without divulging the bad news). Mom and Dad reveal they’re putting the house up for sale and moving to Florida for retirement. Guess you won’t be moving back home. The day keeps getting worse. It seems you are on your own. It’s time to test your strength, endurance, and character. It’s time to see what you’re made of. It seems a little scary, doesn’t it? Where do you start?
The Road To Recovery
First, you need to recognize the easiest part of your life is probably over. The blissfully blind experience you’ve been living is over, and you won’t be able to feel completely “comfortable” or “unguarded” again—that’s good. From now on, you will always be less trusting, more careful, and extremely skeptical. You’ll never leave yourself this vulnerable.
Now, despite the feeling to make it all better as soon as possible, you must resist the urge to rush into another job. In the article “Just Got Fired? Tips for Healing and Bouncing Back,” business adviser Brennan Nevada Johnson writes that the following steps will ensure your recovery and turn the experience into perhaps the most beneficial event of your professional and personal life. Johnson stresses that job seekers should stop and reassess all aspects of their approach to work and personal conduct:
- Grieve.
- Take a break from social media.
- Don’t rush into a new job.
- Lean on your network for support.
- Rebuild your self-confidence.
- Work out and take time for yourself.
Then, take that fresh, reinvigorated approach and start applying for a new job—and be persistent, aggressive, and confident. There, my friends, is the word, the principle, the mandate for moving forward without collateral damage. If one endures this adventure without understanding the ultimate reward is renewed self-confidence—well, why even bother? Equip yourself with this ultimate tool, and you’ll be ready to move forward without looking back.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner.” --Oscar Wilde
“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” --Winston Churchill
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” --Eleanor Roosevelt