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A group project I participated in during my second year of college left a long-standing impression on me. The five members were immediately cooperative, taking on different responsibilities. Two members volunteered to do the core of the research and took responsibility for typing up the paper. It was a large project, so it was a good sign to see how well we were already working together. Clearly, the professor knew what he was doing when he selected us.
Stop A Stalker The two members who volunteered to do research were an unlikely pair. He was quiet, studious, and conservative, and she was pretty and more outgoing—not superficial or ditzy, but she had never been taken too seriously. Maybe she was the product of a chauvinistic upbringing: boys cut the grass and rake the leaves, while girls do the dishes and laundry. Or perhaps her attractiveness never allowed her to step beyond the “sit pretty—be seen, not heard” image. We’ve all seen that picture: the girl who develops a womanly look in her early teens and is endlessly pursued by the boys, while teachers ignore her potential and resent the manipulation these girls may wield. It’s really a shame because as kids, these girls don’t have the tools to handle this type of attention, so they tend to manipulate people by acting the innocent fool. Well, it appeared to me she that this young woman on the project wanted to be taken seriously. She asserted herself from the get-go and made it clear she was trying to make a statement. I didn’t know her well, but I was proud of her for what she was doing. We had six weeks to complete the project, so we met at the student union every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for 15-minute progress reports. By the end of the second week, I could sense some real strain between the two researchers, and when I asked questions about their progress, it seemed he was very stressed about it, and she seemed uncomfortable. At the halfway point, he called a meeting, and in some tearful moments explained that he had broken up with the female researcher, was very upset, and would be unable to complete the tasks as assigned. She sat shaking her head, looking down and away. It took another week of valuable time to reassign the elements of the project, which then became very sloppy, and the group barely earned a grade of “B.”
Very simply, he had fallen in love with the girl, and she had not returned his interest, and from that point forward, everything grew strained and difficult. She handled the situation as best she could, but clearly he was unable to handle his obsession, and she paid the price emotionally. Not only did she reject him and accept his scorn, but she had to take the blame for the group falling apart. A year or so later, I saw her in another class, and when we “laughed” about that previous experience, she almost began to cry. It was still unsettling to her, and I was sad to see the long-term effect.
