Pare life down to the basics and work backwards to what matters
When my overnight sleep medication—approved by four of five doctors—wore off this morning, I rose from my adjustable bed, disabled the automatic heat function, and set my apnea machine to the “clean” mode. I put on copper-lined socks, stepped into cross-training shoes and shorts, and walked to the den. As the machine warmed up, I took a fistful of vitamins and minerals, many of which I learned about while watching commercial breaks during Jeopardy! It seems the rule is, if one is over 30 but under 50, the new meds allow one to fly a kite, sail competitively, or endure jazzercise sessions that would make Jane Fonda faint. If over 50, as the commercials demonstrate, one can paint, spend time with grandchildren, garden, or sit in twin bathtubs outside holding hands. Anyway, my very expensive machine began yelling at me and evaluating my commitment to the upcoming workout, so I quickly took another pill for confidence for when people yell at me. I worked out until I almost vomited, which is quite a step up from last month when I always vomited.
I showered with my pulsating-massage shower head, confident that the chlorine filters I’d added last week were protecting my epidermis, which I doubled down on by adding an after-shower lotion treatment that guarantees younger skin within 30 days. I whitened my teeth and cleaned them thoroughly with my water-stream flossing system, then shaped my partial beard and mustache with a variety of interchangeable heads on an electric razor.
Now dressed and ready for the day, I hit the button that opens the attached garage, and then hit another button that automatically starts the car. With this advantage and the car parked in a garage at work, I never have to fight the elements during a nasty winter. I buy a $4.50 cup of coffee and ask my car’s computer to dial up my daily horoscope. I’m told that money will soon be coming my way, so I smile during my deep-breathing exercise while listening to my meditation podcast. At the office, I pop a few antacid tablets because the coffee is now mixing with my vitamins and giving me some discomfort. I can’t get a break. It’s ok, though, for I have a stash of power bars in my desk drawer, and they will keep me until lunch.
